I am thinking why would she love me? I believe that she deserves someone who is better than me. She is only in her first twenties and she did not experience many things yet, which means that she just was not in real contact with men. I believe that once she lives with me, she would hate me after the first days. I don't know why I think so, but that would probably be the case.
However, it happens that I ask myself "You are good in many things that others can't do, so why do you less evaluate yourself in front of her?!". That is true, even if she is not with me but with someone else, they might not have a perfect life, they might have economic and social issues. But what if she could marry someone who is her dream; someone who is awesome, has good manners, healthy, social, intellectual, has sense of humour and he is rich? Then, I would be so happy for her, but at the same time I would feel so sorry for myself, because that has to remind me of how unlucky I am.
The fact is that I love her, but at the same time, I have no intention for a serious relationship that leads to marriage. Or.. maybe this is just a kind of drama of shit and nonsense. Maybe I just want to feel this way and I am another person by nature. Is it necessary to have a girlfriend or even a wife? Is it necessary to feel that loves you? (I know there are girls who loved me and still do, but I am not attracted to them anyway.)
I also know that love is adventure; people are not sure what is going to happen next, but they fall in love and they experience different difficulties in their lives. So should I follow the same path? Or just be cautious and not give a f**k about any piece of sh*t of drama?
At the end, I like to be just me, I don’t like to change myself to suite a female. Ooh .. these line I wrote gave me a headache now.